The internet is proof that i’m not the only male on the planet to devulge the secrets of male lavatory behaviors, but my blog wouldn’t be complete without my confession that I have shared the unwritten rules of public restroom usage (for males) to a female.

I hate reinventing the wheel, so here’s my source(youtube…ugh…):

So, this is probably going to seem entirely sexist or something…but I don’t care. I had the freakiest dream last night. The dream was normal, except for one small cultural nuance: Tampons were called ‘Tampoons’…and when a woman was having her period she’d levitate. Think about it….

yeah…ok…I’m messed up.

Woke up and googled “Tampoons” and it seems that there’s a ton of people who don’t know how to spell the word tampon. I also found a prank call on youtube…it’s not funny to me, especially after the dream.

Yes, this blog title is as misleading as the false advertising this blog posting gripes about. I was fortunate enough to help an MS Walk at work by contributing my spare change. 50 Cents! Pizzeria flavored Combos! No freaking way!!

Yeah..that was until I started munching on these little pizza shops. See, I was expecting exactly what it said. Pizzeria Pretzels. I mean…yes…I was confused when it said “Made with Real Cheese” on the front, because there’s no pizzeria I’ve ever been to that used cheese as a construction material, but hey. I don’t know much about Italians. Or people who pretend to be Italian.

Where was I…oh yes…these little ‘pazzi houses’ burst in my mouth, not like penetrating drywall, copper wiring, or steel ovens…but like dry, unloved cheese dust mixed with cheap American-like-Italian seasoning, which is probably supposed to be put on sugary pastries instead of pizzas, because it was sweeter than sugar. And while sucking down each water-sapping bite, my friend Tim remarked that it should taste like sweaty Italians. This is true, no matter how disturbing Tim is…these little pods destined for my gastric juices like torpedoes in the English Channel…

They WERE salty, Tim. Too salty to be enjoyable. You can rest in the thought, my friend.

If I wasn’t so upset I’d write a letter and complain. Don’t call your pretzel “Pizzeria”. Some crazed workaholic will mistake your junk food(ie. the only food consumed) for some sort of masochistic punishment which will relieve myself of the real pains I want to avoid, punishing myself only for putting myself in pain in the first place, only to discover that I’m punishing myself even more by eating this…product.

Yes, beat me more.

Question: Why do people in residental neighborhoods that have a high population of school age children think it fitting to shoot off fireworks ONLY between the hours of 10pm and 4am?

Seriously. Parents send kids to bed for a reason. Well, actually, many reasons. Many positive reasons. For starters:

Kids rest so their little brains work right.

Parents get a break.

To preserve the equillibrium…

Ok, so maybe I don’t have many reasons. But they’re still valid. So, bozos…stop waking up the children. Yeah…I think my soap box broke right when I stood on it…

I’m no longer going to be posting gaming related stuff to the blog. Those things will be updated periodically on the blog at xfire.com(CLICK HERE TO VIEW MY PROFILE). Also I removed the “games I’m playing” section from my profile here at kowblog….that’s also viewable at xfire, though it’s hardly complete(I’ve put in 1400 hours of Guild Wars and less than 300 were recorded by xfire). So there you have it.

My list of website projects is increasing. I know have a significant list of projects that I actually need to write into my schedule. Craziness. I’ll try to post stuff here(cuz I know you people care).

I like Vanilla Coke.

The one that potty’s and sleeps in a liter pan, according to recent reports…

I have no idea why I’m posting this…

[12:02] [=NA=] Dmish: kitty goin potty
[12:02] Kow: thanks for the news update.
[12:02] [=NA=] Dmish: wait oh my shes takin a nap in there
[12:02] Kow: I’m going to blog that
[12:02] [=NA=] Dmish: lol

What will happen next!??!?

If I’m unresponsive it’s because I have limited internet access at this point.